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A Six year old experience

Recently I looked at my six year old son and became envious of his life.  The presures of adult hood were keeping me up at night.  So I wrote down some of the things that make 6 year olds wonderful.

Because was a strong thought provoking answer
When I cried in public it was okay.
I was only in debted to my friends
I didn't have to be some where on time.
Mistakes only made me more cute
I was only concerned if my mom was unhappy with me.
I was happy to carry a semi close friends burdens.
I was closer to God than I knew.
I had minimal expectations and less was expected of me.
Only my toys depended on me to play with them.
I could sit next to a pretty girl without feeling sexual tension.
I slept through the night more often.
I loved without shame or pain.
I gave without the expectation of return.
I could ask my mother for something like money without a three hour lecture about how I'm living my life.
I couldn't wait to grow up but I wasn't in a hurry.
I found others who had all the answers.
I believed in Super Heros - pretended to be one when things went wrong in the world.
I didn't have to get on a plane to go to a different place in the world.
No matter what happened at school that day I knew life would still be in front of me.
I idolized my older brother even though he disliked me.

I was not innocent but innocence seemed to still be with me...

Is partnership possible in a romantic relationship?

Looking back at the failed romances I've had the only constant has been me.  What I have learned over time is that the only way to true success in a romantic relationship is to understand me.  I began this journey to understand my inner self about ten years ago and what I've discovered is for a romantic relationship to exist to allow for your partner to be independent.  Yes that is what I said INDEPENDENT!
Even if your intentions are benevolent your intrusions on their independence will be debilitating.  To be the best partner you can you must find a way to compliment your partners independence.

Who’s responsible for your relationship self esteem?

When you are in a relationship stage that is often referred to as the “magic” stage, you do not often reflect on your insecurities.  Experiencing failures in your past relationships can create an abundance of negative feelings about your ability to be successful in a relationship.  Back when I was about 12 years old I played Police Athletic League (PAL) football, the previous season our team won 3 games and lost 7 for the second year in a row.  So when the new coach took over, one of the first things he needed to do was change the culture and mind set of the players.  Coach began this transformation by teaching us the difference between success and confidence.  During our first team meeting the coach asked us “men what’s more important, success or confidence?”  Thinking that we knew everything about how to be successful we unanimously yelled “Success.”  Coach then immediately blew his whistle and said run!  As we were running around the field we were all confused wondering what we said that was wrong.  When the coach blew the whistle again to have us stop running and gather around him he asked the question again, but his time half of the team responded with the same force and same word.  Coach again blew his whistle and told us to run…during this mile we vowed to say success when we reconvened.  The third time coach asked us to solve the mystery we unanimously yelled success…coach smiled, blew his whistle again and told us to run one more time.  So what’s more important?  Success is by far.  Having success in your ability to select the best relationship partner no matter the final outcome will improve your ability to sustain self worth and exercise patience when choosing another relationship partner.  So who is responsible for your relationship self esteem, you or your partner?

Authenticity in Relationships - it's no trick!

In the movie Hitch starring Will Smith the character played by Kevin James hired a date coach to help him with his awkwardness in meeting and romancing a woman.  Hitch being the date coach, taught his familiar tricks to James' character, which allowed him to break the ice and get a date with his love interest.  But what eventually worked in the end was James' character revealed his true self, thus winning the affection of his love interest.  Although, the premis of this film placed emphasis on using gender routines like those mentioned in the book "Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus," in the long run these routines do not lead to increased affection.  What works no matter the gender situation is reciprical self-disclosure.  Being comfortable enough with yourself to reveal the hidden aspects of who you are increases the affection others hold toward you.  So dump the tricks and learn how to be comfortable with who you are...doing this will give others the chance to see behind the curtain and love you for who you are, not who you present yourself to be.

How to usurp continual financial crisis management

I heard a loud noise outside of my basement window and became concerned.  When I looked out of the window to see what the commotion was, it was my wife driving on a flat tire.  I immediately jump off the couch and went outside to put on the spare tire.  As I was replacing the flat tire the thoughts going through my head went from can we afford new tires?  How much will they cost?  The current tires were only two years old with a 40,000 mile warranty, and I know we did not drive 40,000 miles yet so did the warranty include the tread?  Or only guarantee it wouldn’t explode on the highway?

This situation happens often when you have things that require maintenance so planning for them to fail is important.  We don’t associate with many families that hold this same mentality, in fact the culture we both came from practiced crisis management rather than planned management.  So what would happen to a family that doesn’t save for these regular maintenance problems?

Is having it now hurting you tomorrow?

I remember when I was a young boy I really wanted this toy Aircraft Carrier with five Styrofoam flying airplanes so bad the anticipation of waiting was excruciating.  I remember saying that I had to have it now instead of waiting for Christmas and it was July.  So I worked on my mother everyday in the months of July and August to get her to buy me that toy.  By September it worked and she surprised me with it one weekend.  When I first saw it I was thrilled that my pestering tactics worked out.  But when I began to play with the toy I quickly lost interest in its limited options and I completely stopped playing with it within two weeks.  How does this example compare to a relationship?  Often times we pick a person to date for a plethora of reasons such as their looks or their socioeconomic standing rather than if he/she is going to be the best partner for us.  So when we finally get that person to notice us or perhaps date us we begin to walk through the process of seeing if they are able to meet some of the expectations we fantasized about.  If you find the reality of the person falls short of the fantasy, is the problem the person or our expectations?